*This fanfic uses the DiC dubs names and is inspired by the Sailor Business podcast.
The four generals of the Negaverse enter Queen Beryl’s chambers to find her angry.
“I have called you all together to tell you that I am very disappointed in all of you. Despite your many plots we have not located the silver crystal, Queen Metalia remains dormant, and the Sailor Scouts continue to foil our plans. Now what do you all have to say for yourselves?”
Jadeite is the first to speak up. “I know that I have failed you before, but now I have the perfect plan to harvest enough energy to awaken Queen Metalia.”
“Ha yeah sure you do,” laughs Nephrite. “Don’t listen to this fool Beryl. My plan is much more efficient in harvesting energy.”
“Oh come on, why are we wasting time on stealing energy?” asks Zoisite. “We should be focusing our efforts on finding the Silver Crystal.”
“You are all idiots,” says Malachite. “None of our plans are successful, because those Sailor Scouts keep on getting in our ways. We need to eliminate them first before we can awaken Queen Metalia.”
“Hold on, one at a time,” yells Queen Beryl. “Okay, you first Jadeite, what is you plan?”
“Get this, these humans waste a lot of energy flying all over the world. Think about it if we could get our hands on one of these airplanes we could harvest all sorts of energy. Nothing could go wrong.”
“Of course stupid as always,” says Malachite. “There is no way that plan could get off the ground.”
“Well aren’t you the punster,” replies Jadeite. “If you are so clever then tell me, what’s your great plan?”
“Its quiet simple really, we lure Sailor Moon into a trap using a Moon Princess Costume contest as the cover.”
“Really another Moon Princess Contest?” Ziosite says. “You’re lucky that you’re beautiful or else I would leave you, blondie.”
“Shut up stupid girl!” He snaps back.
“Stop it, both of you!” Queen Beryl cuts in. “Zoisite, you can go next. What is your plan?”
“There is this very patriotic man in America who happens to be one of the carriers the rainbow crystals.”
“Really, that is a fine coincidence,” says Nephrite. “I too have found a man in America that rich with energy and is about to reach his greatest potential.”
“Achoo!” Queen Beryl sneezes and hits her head on the crystal ball in front of her.
“Queen Beryl are you all right?” asks Jadeite.
Beryl rises up rubbing her sore forehead. “I should be fine. It’s just a bump on the head.”
“Well which one is it going to be?” asks Malachite. “My plan is the best, we are using it right?”
“Oh please lame brain, my plan is the best,” interjects Nephrite.
“You know what, I suddenly have come up with a great idea,” says Beryl. “How about instead of only sending one of you, you all put your plans into action.”
“Wait what? You want us to work together,” Zoisite says confused.
“Yeah sure, whatever it takes get you all to leave,” Beryl waves them off. “I swear that I am becoming allergic to you numbskulls.
* * *
Back on earth all of the girls cool off with bowls of frozen yogurt.
“Yummy that was great,” says Lieta. “Thank you Amy for getting us all froyo.”
“No problem,” says Amy. “I felt like treating you all after coming into all this money.”
“Oh that’s right you were on that game show,” says Mina. “What was the title again? Kid Brainiacs.”
“I’m just glad that Melvin lost,” says Raye.
“Hey guys did you see this!” Serena yells as she comes running out the bathroom. She slams a flyer on to the table and all of the girls read it.
The flyer reads: “Come to our Ninth Annual Moon Princess Contest. Do you know what a moon princess is? Well neither do we, but if you think you know what a moon princess is and have a costume or are able to design one then come to the New York City convention hall wearing the costume and we will destroy award you with a trophy”
“We’ve got to go!” screams Serena.
“Cool your jets Serena, we can’t go. It’s all the way in America,” says Raye.
“Wait Amy, you’re loaded,” says Serena. “How about you buy us all plane tickets to America and we’ll all go on an extravagant vacation.”
She nudges Amy in the arm. “No way, I am doing the responsible thing and saving this money for college.”
“Oh come on, share the wealth,” says Mina.
“Yeah, college can wait. America is calling,” says Raye.
“Oh okay we can go, but we’re flying coach,” Amy finally gives in.
“Wait we can’t go to America,” Artemis interjects. “We need to focus on sailor affairs and find the Silver Crystal.”
“Don’t be such a litter box clump, let the girls go,” says Luna. “We could all use some time off.”
“Yippee, America here we come!” Serena jumps up into the air with joy.
* * *
“Serena you doofus, why do you have pack so much in your carry on?” complains Raye.
“Yeah, you don’t need to bring all of your Sailor V games on to the plane,” says Mina.
The girls turn back to see Serena dragging a heavy duffel bag on the ground.
“Oh come on, we are flying nonstop to New York,” she says. “We’ll be stuck up in the air for like eight hundred hours with nothing to do but sit and stare out the windows and I’m stuck with a middle seat. It’ll be a real snoozer, but with all of these video games the time will just fly by.”
“Don’t you realize that even though you brought all of the games, controllers, and consoles you won’t be able play them, because the TVs on the plane don’t have video outlets for the plugs,” says Amy.
“What?! Noooo!” cries Serena. “This plane ride is going to be super boring!”
“Quit your whining Serena,” says Lieta. “Come on we are going to be late for our flight.”
The girls run on with Lieta leaving Serena behind.
“Wait for me guys!” calls Serena as she struggles to drag her bag. She turns around and pulls with all of her might, but loses her grip and falls backward onto the ground at the feet of Darien.
“Figures I would run into you here, an airhead in an airport,” he says as he dusts off his tuxedo.
“Oh, why you!” Serena stands up feeling upset, but then calms down once she notices Darien’s nice outfit. “Wow, you are looking snazzy.”
“Nice of you to notice. I just landed me a nice modeling gig in New York city.”
“Well I just so happen to be on my way to New York too.”
“That’s great, you’ll fit right in. The streets are already littered with trash piles.”
“Why do you have to be so mean to me? I hate you so much!” She screams calling attention from everyone around them.
“Yeah, why don’t you pick on someone your own size?” says a chubby man as he approaches Darien and gives him a mean glare.
“Nice to see you dressed up for your flight,” says Darien calling attention to the man’s sweat pants.
“Why do you have to insult this poor girl? Is it because you are secretly in love with her and feel confused by your emotions?” says the man.
“Why do you have to shovel jelly donuts into your mouth? Is it because no one will love you so you fill that emptiness with sugar and fats?”
“Hey, quit fighting,” says a pilot as he steps between them. “An airport in no place for arguments. Now hurry up and get to your terminals.”
Everyone parts their separate ways. The pilot walks off to the shadows where he abandons his cap revealing his wavy blonde hair.
That’s right save your energy for your flight for you will be taking a plane to your doom with none other than me, Jedite as you pilot.
He makes his way to the terminal for flight no. 666. Once there a flight attendant greets him. “Hello, are you the pilot?”
“Yes I am,” replies Jedite.
“Well I’m sorry, but this flight has been canceled. The plane doesn’t have enough fuel to make the trip, but don’t worry I’ve already have alerted all the passengers that I have transferred their flights.”
“Curses, foiled again!” He Yells.
* * *
“You hear that announcement guys?” says Amy. “We’ve been transferred to flight 777.”
The girls change direction and walk away from the terminal for flight no. 666.
“Thanks for carrying my bag Leita,” says Serena.
Leita holds the bag under one arm. “No problem, if I hadn’t picked up your bag we would be waiting forever for you to catch up.”
“I wish Artemis and Luna could have come on the plane with us,” says Raye.
“Don’t worry I’m sure they will be fine riding in back in their pet carriers,” says Mina.
* * *
“Ohhwww, I hate this,” whines Luna as she struggles trying to unlock her carrier.
“Oh come on it’s not that bad,” says Artemis in the carrier across from her. “Despite the occasional turbulence it’s actually kind of cozy.”
“Easy for you to say, there’s not a fat cat making googly eyes at you.” Luna tilts her head to pointing at a cat on the other side of the cargo hold. He is wearing a collar that says Hercules.
“Aw you’ve got a boyfriend, I’m jealous,” says Artemis.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” she snaps back.
* * *
With a steady hand scientist Bruce Banner pours a vile of chemicals into another vile of chemicals mixing them together. But then loses his focus and spills a little bit of the chemicals on the floor as he is distracted by loud violin music coming from outside the laboratory.
“Arrgh, where did that violinist learn to play?! Are they deaf or trying to make me deaf?!”
A man with long brown hair enters the lab.
“Excuse me are you Bruce Banner?” asks the man.
“Yes I am, you must be Maxfield Stanton my new investor, please come in.”
“You look stressed, are you okay?”
“It’s that noise that’s coming from the convention hall next door. It’s driving up the walls.”
“Well how about I help you out.”
“Thanks, please pass me that beaker over there filled with expensive radioactive ooze.”
Nephrite picks up the beaker and carries it over. Yes I’ll pass this to you. He thinks to himself but first I’ll slip a yuama into it so that it may possess you and I will steal your energy.
As He passes the beaker to Bruce the violinist starts playing again. Bruce shudders in anger and drops the beaker. It breaks and spills the expensive ooze on the ground.
“Ahh, that violinist makes me so angry!” he yells. “RRAAARRGH!!”
Nephrite watches in shock as Bruce’s skin turns green. His lab coat and purple pants tear apart as he grows double in size transforming into the jade giant the Hulk.
“ARGH HULK HATES PUNY VIOLINIST.”
Hulk smashes a hole in the wall and runs out into the streets.
“Whoa, did I do that?” asks Nephrite.
* * *
“Well we’re here now what?” says Raye as the girls arrive at the convention hall.
“We win the contest that’s what,” replies Serena. She turns to her duffel bag on the ground proceeds to dig through it.
“Hey watch where you throw your things. You might hit someone.” Lieta says as she dodges a flying video game.
“What oh no!” Serena screams and begins to cry.
“Calm down, what is wrong?” says Luna.
“I can’t believe I left my costume at home! Now how will I win this Moon Princess contest?!”
“Um Serena you do realize that—“
“I know I’ll use my Luna Pen to transform myself into a Moon Princess.” She takes out the pen and holds it up in the air. Luna face paws.
“Disguise power, change me into a super cute princess from outer space!” The pen lights up and stars shoot out of it, but before the transformation can be completed the ground shakes and Serena drops the pen.
Serena falls back landing on her butt. “What is going on? Is this an earthquake?”
“This is no earthquake. Look over there guys,” says Mina as she points down the street at a rampaging Hulk.
“It appears to be a monster here in the streets of New York,” says Raye.
“Wow, and he is a big one too,” says Artemis. “You know what to do girls. Transform and fight.”
“Moon Prism power!” Serena radiates a bright colorful light and her sailor uniform suddenly appears upon her. The other girls follow her lead and also transform. Sailor Mecury, Mars, Jupiter, and Venus form together and make an awesome battle stance.
The Hulk halts his attack on the streets and turns his attention to the Sailor Guardians.
“What’s this? Five puny girls dare to challenge the Hulk?”
“That is right dweezil, I dare. For I am Sailor Moon, champion of love and justice. On behalf of the Moon I will right wrongs and triumph over evil and that means you!”
Hulk picks up a car and throws it at Sailor Moon. She runs away panicking pushing the other scouts out of the way. “Whoa, he seems angry. Maybe if we buy him some frozen yogurt he’ll calm down and we can talk this out.”
“Wait look, who are they?” says Sailor Mars while pointing back at the Hulk.
Suddenly Captain America, Ironman, Thor, and Wolverine appear and approach the Hulk.
“Hulk calm down, what’s got you so steamed?” asks Captain America.
“Little girls make Hulk angry and challenge him to fight.”
“They appear to be five fine young maidens. Surely thy great mighty Hulk could easy thwart them without any assistance,” comments Thor.
“The girls look cute and harmless, maybe Hulk doesn’t have to fight them.”
“Dude, they called you a dweezil. Are you going to take that?” says Ironman.
“What?! Little girls call Hulk dweezil!” Hulk becomes furious. “No one calls Hulk a dweezil!”
Hulk charges and attacks the girls. He stomps on the ground as he runs towards the guardians. By the skin of her teeth Sailor Mars jumps out of the way.
“Watch where you are running you big ugly buffoon!”
Mars pulls her hands together and points her index fingers outward. “Mars fire Ignite!”
A tiny fire ball launches from her finger tips and hits Hulks pants setting them on fire. He runs around frantically.
“It burns, it burns. Hulk doesn’t like hot pants!”
He runs away from the city and jumps into the Hudson River to cool off.
Down the street a taxi cab arrives and Ziosite steps out. It appears that I have arrived too late. The patriotic carrier of the rainbow crystal has already engaged in battle with the Sailor Scouts. I must stay at the sidelines and watch how this pans out.
Back at the battle zone the Avengers regroup to form a plan.
“What the hell, did they just send Hulk running?” asks Ironman.
“Okay here’s the plan we’ll each pare off with one the girls and Thor you’ll take the two blonde ones,” says Captain America.
“Wait why are we fighting them, bub?” says Wolverine. “I have a daughter who’s Japanese, maybe I can talk to them.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t think that will work,” says Captain America.
“I’m sure they are just some miss guided youngsters. Maybe I could take them under my wing and teach them a thing or two.”
“Dude what is with you and little girls?” asks Ironman.
“Come on now, I’m hip, I’m with it. I know what’s trending on twitter. I can snapchat.”
“Wolvy you’re older than Caps Political views,” says Ironman.
“I’m going to pretend like I didn’t hear that,” says Captain America.
“You bozos can say what you want. I’m going to try to talk some sense into those girls,” says Wolverine.
He calmly approaches the Sailor Scouts. Mars notices him and laughs at his clothes.
“What’s with crazy get up,” she taunts. “Who wears yellow with blue?”
Wolverine becomes irritated by the insults. “Bub, are you dissing my threads?”
“And that hair is awful. You look like you got stuck in a wind tunnel.”
“That’s it kid, you’re cruisin’ for a bruisin’. It’s time for me to get not so nice.”
Snikt! Snikt! Wolverine pops his claws and attacks Sailor Mars. He slashes a few times and she quickly dodges out of the way.
“Hey that’s sharp, I was only giving you fashion advice!” she yells.
He slices a nearby street light in half causing it to fall over onto Mars pinning her to the ground.
“Hey, that’s my friend you are attacking!” yells Artemis before popping his own claws and pouncing on Wolverine’s face. Artemis goes feral scratching and biting at his head.
“Argh get this darn cat off of me!” yells Wolverine.
“By the power of Odin I shall call down a great thunder and slay thy enemies,” Thor yells as he sends down several bolts of lightning. Sailor Moon and the scouts jump around nearly dodging the bolts.
“Hey, watch where you throw those. You could frizzle my hair,” yells Sailor Moon.
“Silence harlot,” Thor says as he throws his hammer. Sailor Moon barely dodges out the way, but gets one of her pig tails pinned to the ground by the hammer. She yanks and pulls at the hammer, but is unable to make it budge.
“Youch, ooowww, that tears at the roots,” she whines as she continues to struggle with her hair.
“Ha ha, you are unworthy to weld the might of Mjolner,” laughs Thor.
“Well then feel the might of Venus crescent beam!” Sailor Venus blasts Thor with a bolt of bright light.
“Hey guys a little help here,” calls Sailor Moon pointing down at Thor’s hammer. Sailor Jupiter effortlessly picks up the hammer freeing her hair. Jupiter admires the hammer in her hand.
“Wow this big hammer actually is not that heavy,” she says.
“Oh yeah, rub it in you big jerk,” says Sailor Moon.
Suddenly Artemis comes flying hitting Sailor Jupiter in the face.
“Hey Artemis, what’s the big idea? You’re going to get hair all over me,” she says.
“Don’t blame me it’s that guy’s fault,” Artemis says as he points back at Wolverine. The many bloody scratches on his face heal and he grimaces in anger.
“Supreme Thunder!” Jupiter holds Thor’s hammer out in front of her and fires a lightning out of it. The lightning bolt illuminates his adamantium skeleton and burns his skin bright red. He staggers back, but remains standing.
“Is that all you’ve got bub? It’s going to take a lot more bring me down,” says Wolverine.
Jupiter swings the hammer over her head and sends it flying at him. The hammer leaves a big gaping hole in his chest and he finally falls over. The scouts stare in shock at Jupiter for what she just did.
“Oops, I didn’t mean to kill him,” she says.
Sailor Venus yells at her, “Oh my God Jupiter, what the—“
Ironman blindsides her with a repulse blast knocking her into a brick wall rendering her unconscious.
“Hey, you big tin man quit fighting so dirty it isn’t fair!” yells Sailor Moon.
“My moves may be a little dirty, but that is just how I roll,” says Ironman. “What are you little twerps going to do about it?”
“Mercury Bubbles Blast!” Sailor Mercury shoots out thousands of tiny bubbles creating a cold mist all around Ironman.
“Oh crap this thick fog is going to rust out my suit.” Confused He looks around for the scouts, but is blinded by the mist.
“Damn, how am I going to see anything through this thick fog? Oh yeah, that’s right I have heat vision.” Ironman switches on his heat vision making all of the scouts appear as red blobs.
“There you are you blue haired dork.” He fires a net trapping Sailor Mercury leaving her defenseless.
“Jupiter’s Sparkling Wide Pressure!” Sailor Jupiter throws a ball of lightning at Ironman frying his suit’s circuits making it useless.
“Nooo, not Ironman too,” cries out Captain America. “Why do you little girls have to beat up all of my friends? First you make Hulk run away, then you knock out Thor, and then you kill Wolverine. Why do you have to be so mean? Why?”
He falls to his knees and rivers of tears fall from his eyes. “I don’t want to fight anymore! This isn’t fair!”
“Whoa, the winghead has gone full Serena,” say Luna.
“Hey, now don’t cry. We won’t fight you anymore,” Sailor Moon apologies. “We are sorry for hurting your friends.”
Now’s my chance, I shall retrieve the rainbow crystal. Zoisite runs up behind Captain America and takes out her magical crystal. She holds it out towards him and fires dark beams at him. A red, white, and blue crystal appears in front of him.
“Yes my plan worked, Queen Beryl will be so proud of me,” she says. “Now for you Sailor Scouts to meet your destruction at the hand of the star spangled beast!”
Captain America struggles to fight back as he transforms into a monster. The wings on his head grow ten times in size and the feathers become America flags. His chainmail scales cover his entire body and his hands become eagle’s talons. He looks up at Sailor Moon with big evil grin before he attacks.
“KACHA!” The monster shrieks as he flies at her.
“Watch it, you over grown dodo!” She yells as she dodges out of the way.
The monster then turns to Sailor Jupiter and extends the stripes from one of his flags wrapping them around her binding her.
“Hey, bird brain over here!” Sailor Moon takes out her Moon Stick and holds it over her hand.
“KACHA!” The Monster flaps his other wing creating a powerful gust knocking the stick out of her hand and knocking her to the ground. Beaten and bruised on the ground she struggles to reach the stick.
“Eh, I’ve got to reach the wand so that I can save my friends.” Several razor sharp stars land in front of the stick nearly cutting her hand.
“KACHA!” Sailor Moon trembles in fear as the Monster towers over her with one talon ready to strike. Suddenly a single rose strikes him. They look to together to a nearby rooftop where they see Tuxedo Mask standing in the moon light.
“Believe in yourself Sailor Moon,” he says.
“Tuxedo Mask you’ve come to save me,” she says with big hearts in her eyes.
“Now I am off,” he flaps his cape and runs away.
“Wait, you’re not going to help?”
“Sailor Moon, get the moon stick,” yells Luna.
Sailor Moon picks up the stick and creates a circle in front of her with it.
“Moon Healing Escalation!”
The Star Spangled Beast transfers back into Captain America, “Refreshed.”
Sailor Moon runs up to Captain America to see if he is okay. After regaining conscious and escaping their restraints the other Sailor Scouts join her. The Avengers also recover.
“All of you girls are under arrest for all of the chaos you have caused,” Ironman says as he charges up his repulse blaster.
“That will not be necessary,” Bruce Banner appears soaking wet. “These girls did nothing wrong. I was the one who attacked them as I was rampaging as the Hulk.”
“Okay I guess I can let you off the hook, but I better not catch you girls causing any more trouble in New York City again.”
“Hey, lighten up shell head,” Captain America turns to Sailor Moon and holds out his hand. “You girls put up one hell of fight. If you are ever in trouble call on us. We’ll make a great team up.”
Sailor Moon sakes his hand, “Thank you, Cap.”
She looks down at her watch with alarm, “Oh no, it’s getting late. Hopefully I still have enough time to enter the Moon Princess contest.”
She runs to the convention hall only to find that it has completely vanished.
“What, no! Now I’ll never be a Moon Princess!” She falls to her knees crying.
“Well at least I’ll be able to sleep tonight,” says Bruce Banner and everyone laughs.
Sailor Moon says: “Big vacations can be fun and relaxing, but they can also be dangerous. That is why you always want to dress well and pack plenty of clean clothing when you go on long trips.”
Sailor Mars: “No one wants to be caught with an ugly stain on their blouse.”
Sailor Jupiter: “The right detergent can go a long way, but when that isn’t enough don’t be afraid to put some elbow grease into scrubbing out those tough stains.”
Sailor Venus: “A regular laundry schedule could keep your whites white and your colors bright.”
Sailor Mercury: “And instead of spending you quarters at the arcade you can save them up for your trips to the local laundromat.”
Sailor Moon: “That’s right clean clothes are the most important thing in making a good first impression when meeting new people. That’s what Sailor Moon says te he hee.”
This fanfiction was written and posted as a work of entertainment and is not for profit. I do not claim ownership of any of the characters in this fanfiction. Sailor Moon her friends and the Dark Moon clan are owned and created by Naoko Takeuchi. The Avengers, The Hulk, Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, and Wolverine are all owned by Marvel comics. The Avengers, Iron Man, The Hulk, and Thor are created by Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, and Larry Lieber. Captain America was created by Jack Kirby and Joe Simon. Wolverine was created by Roy Thomas, Len Wein, and John Romita Sr.