Food Court Fury (Sailor Moon Fanfic)

*this story takes place after the death of Jadeite in episode 13.

Queen Beryl slices open a letter from the bank using a long finger nail.

“What is this?” She exclaims as she reads the letter.

“Finance Yuma come to me!”

A Yuma wearing a green visor enters and bows before Queen Beryl.

“My Queen, I am here, what do you request of me.”

“I would like to know why the fuck we owe the bank five million yen.”

“Well, um you remember all of those plans Jadeite had to steal energy from the humans.”

“Yes, I recall them being quite successful. We are currently half way to restoring Queen Metallia.”

“Yeah, you see in order to follow through with those plans Jadeite had to get a lot loans from the bank to start small businesses.”

“Oh shit, please tell me that these businesses have made enough money to pay off the loans.

“Unfortunately they have not and have all gone bankrupt, except for the crepe shop.”

“Crepe shop?” Queen Beryl raises an eyebrow. “What are these crepes that you speak of?”

“OHMYGOD, you’ve never had a crepe?!” Finance Yuma’s eyes grow wide and she begins to speak in a high pace. “They are amaze balls, they’re like these thin pancake sheets rolled up into a cone with strawberries, whip cream, and chocolate sauce. And they taste like, oh my god, they are absolutely orgasmic! You want to try one? I think there are a few still left in the break room.”

Feeling unsure as to how to respond Queen Beryl sits still and stares blankly.

“Oh um, I am sorry,” Finance Yuma regains her professional composure. “Crepes are a desert pastry that tastes delicious.”

“Okay, so you say that we are making money on these?”

“Yes, but not enough to pay off the loans.”

“Hmm, perhaps we should increase the prices and decrease pay wages for the employees. That should make us more money.”

“Well yes in theory, althou-“

“Great, go do it.”

“But um-“Finance Yuma stammers to find the right words to tell her queen that she is wrong.

“That’s an order. I’m one of the two queens around here. You have to do what I say or else I’ll turn you into negadust.”

“Yes my queen.”

Finance Yuma gives up and walks away only to return five minutes later.

“It has been done my queen. Prices have been raised and pay cuts have been made.”

“Splendid, so we are making more money?”

“No, unfortunately all of the employees have quit and said quote ‘fuck you, we’ll get jobs at the Cinnabon down the street.’”

“What?!” Queen Beryl slams her fist down in fury. “So now we don’t have anyone to run the crepe shop?!

“Yes, we are going to have to close the shop unless we can find anyone to work for such low wages.”

Queen Beryl rubs her chin feeling more optimistic. “Hmm that gives me an idea. Call upon my three remaining kings.”

“You do that yourself, bitch. I’m your accountant; I don’t call on your errand boys.”

“How dare you sass me? I’m your queen.”

“Not anymore, I just found out that I could make more money working for Cinnabon, bye.”

Finance Yuma leaves holding a middle finger up.

“Neflite, Zoisite, Kunsite come to me!”

Neflite and Kunsite both walk into the throne room and Zoisite appears in swirl of flower peddles.

“Zoisite, why can’t you enter a room like a normal person?” says Neflite.

“Bitch I’m fabulous, why can’t you find a girl your own age?”

“Quit your idiotic prattle,” Queen Beryl calls attention to herself. “I have a job for you all.”

“Oh no, are we going to have to clean up another one of Jadeite’s messes?” says Kunsite.

“Yes, all of you have to bake crepes now.”

“Yummy!” Ziosite exclaims in excitement.

Neflite and Kunsite turn and give Ziosite a blank stare.

“I mean argh.”

*                             *                             *

“Five pork buns please.” Usagi says as she drops several coins on the counter of the Tokyo Cinnabon.

“We don’t sell pork buns here, only cinnamon buns,” says the clerk.

“Well then five cinnamon buns please.”

“You only have enough for one bun.”

Usagi grimaces. “Fine then one bun please.”

The Clerk gives her a bun and she walks away while eating it.

“Yummy this is delicious.”

“Isn’t that cannibalism?” Usagi hears a voice behind her and turns around to find Mamoru standing looking smug. “A bun head eating a cinnamon bun. You keep eating those and you’ll turn into a fat sticky ball of goo.”

“Shut up, you dorkwad!” Usagi yells as she throws the cinnamon bun at him.

He catches it and says, “Nice catch.” Then takes a bite out of it.

Usagi walks off in fit of anger only to hear from behind her Mamoru saying, “Uck, tastes like I bit into a sweaty ball of sugar.”

He throws the half eaten cinnamon bun on the ground and continues to walk away.

“Great now what am I going to eat?” she says.

“Usagi, Usagi come with me,” Naru says as she comes running up.

“What is it?”

“You’ve got to try this place up the street it’s called Energy Sucking Crepes and they are so tasty.”

“Yum-oh, count me in.”

“It’s great, although the new employees are kind of weird except for one really good looking guy that I think likes me back.”

The two girls walk into the crepe shop to find Queen Beryl yelling at her three kings.

“Neflite, quit making parfaits!”

“What’s the difference, they’re both French deserts.”

“Kunsite, don’t just stand there start baking!”

“Baking is below me, why aren’t we looking for the silver crystal?”

“Ziosite, stop getting flower peddles in the batter!”

“Hey guys have you heard about this placed called Cinnabon?”

Usagi looks frighten and turns to Naru.

“Um maybe we should try some place else.”

The End

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